Getting Sodas, Proceeded By Getting Woefully Lost
by MorphineSun
Summary: Lana and Anthony were just looking forward to a relaxing night out in the woods, when all of a sudden an unsettling altercation at a convenience store leads the world as they know it into limbo as they find themselves unknowingly cast into Middle Earth. As they struggle to figure out what is going on, they also begin to understand more about themselves. *Heavy profanities*
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay, just to clarify, this is not going to be the run of the mill "people get stuck in Middle Earth". Seriously, I mean it. The first major distinction is that there's not going to be any weird and unrealistic romances between anyone. My real motive for attempting to write this story is actually just to play around with the "getting stuck in Middle Earth" thing and maybe make things less cliche and more humorous? Anyway, this is just the introductory chapter for my characters, so no real Middle Earth until the second chapter, assuming I decide to write a second chapter. Please let me know if you want me to write more of this, because frankly I'm not entirely sure if I should do a whole thing for this. Also, in case you didn't catch it in the description, these characters have sewer mouths (just fair warning). **

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"Hey, yo, Anthony, I'm not messing around when I tell you that I fucking hate it when you speed like this,"

Anthony looked at me for a split second, his sunglasses perched on the tip of his nose. There was no need for these stupid sunglasses, because it was 10:30 at night in the middle of January. But if I was going to be honest, I'd have an equally stupid pair of sunglasses perched on the tip of my nose if I wasn't extremely visually impaired and my contact supply hadn't ran out last September. Whatever, I thought, pushing up the greasy bridge of my old and over-sized cat eye glasses. I need these things.

"What do I always tell you, baby?" he says, running his hands through his hair that was the color of an almond in the faint light of the streetlamps. His hair is meticulously parted, and resembles a style someone from some 50's prep school would have. Maybe a little early New Wave too, like Morriessy or something in the 70's.

"Hey buddy, I hate to tell you this, but you don't 'have a need for speed'. You really don't. You just like scaring the shit out of me."

He shrugs and chuckles, still slowing down a little, because regardless of anything else, it's January and he's a big sissy at heart.

I pull down the sun visor, flipping open the smudged mirror. The yellow light faintly comes on, and the effect on my face is a little eerie looking. Sliding my left middle finger underneath my glasses lens, I swipe away a little sleepy in the corner of my eye, stained black from my smeared eyeliner. My grey eyes are either the color of a "stormy sky" or a dirty wet dish rag, depending on how you want to look it it.

"Look, are we stopping for snacks or what?" I asked in a whiny voice, knowing that there is no way I will be spending an entire night with Anthony in the woods if we don't have fresh snacks and cigarettes.

"Don't worry, man. Just a few more minutes."

Anthony and I continued down the road in silence for awhile. Although it's January, every so often Anthony and I will spend a night out in the woods together on a weekend when we have nothing else to do. Not necessarily spending any time sleeping on these overnight excursions, usually we'll just munch on junk food and listen to music until the sun begins to rise. Then we head back on over to Northern, our college of choice.

Our little spot nestled out in the woods is only a few minutes away from the dorms on campus, but nonetheless it feels far away enough to be considered a "night out", so to speak. Where we live, the woods are always close by, and Lake Superior is never too far from reach. Even though I've lived in Michigan for all my life, Marquette has always held some romantic appeal to me. NMU was always not only one of the only options available to me (studying was not my gig), but the only college I even really wanted to go to.

Apparently, regardless of Anthony's preferences or grades, he wanted to follow me out of the suburbs of Detroit anyway. He was too needy to do whatever he wanted without me, and at any rate I don't think I would have been comfortable without him loitering around me like he'd been doing for the last 5 years. We'd met and started dating freshmen year in high school, and ever since then we've been the only people to be able to tolerate each others antics and facetiousness.

Finally, we pulled into the little continence store, the cold air biting us as soon as we exit the toasty vehicle. Jogging inside, I quickly started pulling items off the shelf. The regular items will do; assorted candy bars and some sunflower seeds. I also fill up a 44oz fountain drink with Coke, which I consider the most holy and savory of any soft drink choice.

Anthony and I usually alternate who pays for our snacks, and it's my turn to fork out the cash tonight. As we pile our items on the counter, I request two cartons of Parliament cigarettes to the clerk, a pasty and overweight man who displayed a dead front tooth when he smiled at us cordially.

We leave the shabby little convinience store, satisfied and somewhat excited, when I bump into an older man as I was looking down to make sure my wallet was back inside my purse.

"Shit! Sorry, man," I say, looking up at the fellow who almost caused me to spill my soda.

We lock eyes, and this dude has to be the creepiest looking guy I've ever seen. His hair is long and stringy, black with white strands dangling down here and there. When he smiled a cooked grin as a form of apology, he made the clerk inside look like someone from a Colgate commercial. His eyes remained fixated on mine for a little while, and I felt slightly paralyzed under his gaze.

He suddenly broke his odd gaze, and patted both me and Anthony hardily on the shoulders. His touch made me shudder, and it felt like something had slithered down my spin. I looked over at Anthony, who was looking confused and somewhat frightened.

"No harm intended, eh? See you kids," the man said, his voice raspy.

This was a man who has not had an easy ride, I mused, looking at his old and beat up tennis shoes. Anthony and I nodded, and parted ways with the weaselly guy.

As soon as we got into the car, Anthony and I looked at each other with knowing and wild grins.

"What the hell was that about!" I yelled, breaking out into a cackle as Anthony followed suit.

I helped Anthony arrange his drink and snacks into the cup holders, and he started the engine with a shaky hand. I took a sip of my soda as the car groaned to a start and looked out of the window. As I looked up, the grimy man was exiting the building with an awfully unsettling look on his face.

"Uh, Anthony, that creep is coming back. I don't know about you, but he makes me nervous as shit,"

"Don't Do Me Like That" by Tom Petty was playing softly on the speakers, which somehow made the scene feel more surreal and scary. The man appeared to be coming straight for the car, and his hands were stretching and waving over his head, a manic looking grin plastered on his face.

"Anthony, get us the hell out of here," I said, gripping the side of my seat.

Just as Anthony slammed on the gas petal to leave, the man slammed on the trunk of the car, the thud resonating inside my skull. I felt extremely anxious and worried, and while I was looking in the rear view mirror, I could still see his figure standing in the parking lot, waving.

"Jesus Christ, man, that was freaky," I said, looking at Anthony, who appeared pretty pale himself.

"Yeah, that left a pretty bad taste in my mouth. Did you see there wasn't even another car in the parking lot? I don't really know if I want to go into the woods anymore after that."

Part of me agreed with this, but another part of me knew that these snacks had to be utilized properly.

"If I hadn't paid for this shit tonight, Anthony, I'd agree with you."

"Lana! Come on, we can just take it back with us. Maybe we could eat it in the Burger King parking lot or something. I'd feel a lot better if we did that."

This was an enticing proposition, and I considered it seriously for a few moments. The Burger Kind parking lot wasn't that bad, after all. But still, we went to the woods for a reason, and we shouldn't let one weird guy spring out of nowhere and ruin it for us.

"Nah, man, let's just tough this out. He just spooked us, that's all."

"Yeah? He just 'spooked' us? That's what they all say. Next thing you know, your dismembered body parts are being fed to his pet pigs or something after he's finished having sex with our corpses."

I laughed at the ridiculous statement, shaking my head in the pale darkness.

"Anthony, don't be paranoid. Let's just stay for a little while, okay? Maybe we'll just listen to one CD and leave. Sound good?"

Anthony sighed, rapping his fingers on the steering wheel, staring straight ahead.

"Fine. But I will not be relaxed for-"

Suddenly, Anthony cut himself off and started screaming and swerving over the road.

"Dude! What are you doing?"

"Lana, did you see that?"

"See what? What are you talking about?"

I looked up and tried to focus my eyes on the dark road, looking for whatever it was that Anthony had seen.

"It was the guy! I swear to God!"

"Anthony, come on, you have to be kidding me. You're just messing around."

Anthony whipped his head around at me, his face contorted in confusion and fear. I was puzzled by this expression, because he certainty didn't look like he was just trying to josh around.

Without any warning, I heard a big thud and felt one of the rear tires slam onto the pavement. I looked at Anthony, who was too focused and afraid to look back at me. I still gripped my soda, my knuckles turning red, waiting for whatever was happening to end. As soon as I heard that mental scraping on the ground, though, I knew we were in for something.

"Uh..." I said as Anthony pulled over to the side of the road.

"Okay, I have no idea what is happening. But focusing on the facts right now, I do not have a spare tire."

"Anthony! Christ, how can you not have a fucking spare tire? What do you expect us to do?"

"I don't know, do you get a signal here?"

I pulled out my phone, the screen lighting up my face as I concentrated on putting in my pass code. As the thing was opening up, I felt Anthony shove my arm.

"Lana, _look!_"

My head shot up, and my heart stopped as I finally saw the man approaching us. Without thinking, I flung open the car door and starting booking it into the woods on the side of the road. Absentmindedly, I still had my Coke and phone in my hands, my purse slung over my shoulder. I was too terrified to do anything else but run, the soda sloshing around in the large cup.

I heard Anthony's car door slam, and soon noticed him running after me.

"Lana, what the hell are you doing?"

I didn't respond, and I focused entirely on my running, clinging onto the soda cup as if it would somehow save me from being fed to the pigs after this guy had his way with Anthony and I.

"Lana!" Anthony called again. "Wait just a goddamn minute," he said, his voice becoming strained.

I stopped for a second, and while I stopped, I could feel my leg muscles contract, definitely not used to any sort of physical exertion.

"Jesus, were you just going to leave me high and dry back there?"

"Listen, I'm sorry pal, but what the hell else was I going to do? That guy is probably still after us!"

"No, Lana, I don't think so."

"What? You were the one who saw him first. How can you say that for sure?"

"Well, I can't, but hiding out in the woods is even worse than being by the side of the road. At least if we're by the side of the road then someone might see us."

I thought for a second, deciding he was right.

"Okay, fine, but grab that big stick over there," I said, pointing to a large stick lying on the ground next to Anthony. He nodded, and picked it up, holding it out in front of him like a spear.

The both of us started walking back towards the car, and I took sips from my agitated soda to try and calm my nerves. After awhile, though, it started to seem like the walk was getting a little excessive.

"Anthony, I really don't think we ran for that long, did we?"

"No," he said, looking around, still holding onto the branch for dear life.

"Well I'm not seeing or hearing any goddamn road," I said, becoming increasingly concerned.

Anthony's head perked up moments after I said this, though, and he looked at me with another terrified expression.

"Look," he whispered, using the stick to point ahead. I peered out, looking for whatever it was Anthony was talking about.

"What? I don't see anything."

"Look carefully. There's a smoldering little fire ahead."

"Fire?"

"Shhh, just look," he urged, still using the stick to point.

I focused my eyes as intently as I could, and suddenly I began to see what he was talking about. A slow little cloud of smoke rose into the air and seemed to hang there in the heavy and cold night.

"You think we should go check it out?" I asked, not really seeing any other viable options at the moment. Anthony stood for a minute in silence, chewing the fat on the situation.

"I don't think we have any other choice," he said, his grip tightening on the branch.

We both took an uneasy breath and crunched our way over the brittle forest floor. The fire wasn't too far away, and only took us about a minute to reach. When we arrived, Anthony and I looked around for any other signs of life.

"Hello...?" I called out gently.

Suddenly, there was a swooshing metal sound from behind us, and figure with a hood pulled over its face approached us in the darkness. They appeared to be holding out a... a sword? What kind of freaks were hanging out in the woods tonight?

"Woah!" I heard Anthony yell when he saw the sword.

"Strangers! Who are you and what business do you have? Speak quickly, and you sir, drop your branch."

The man's voice was authoritative, and Anthony abruptly did as he was told, the stick hitting the ground with a thud and holding up his hands as if he was being held at gunpoint. I internally groaned, knowing that Anthony would crumble under pressure. He was practically useless when it came to stuff like this.

The man flung his hood off of his head, and just as I was beginning to wonder why this nut was hanging out in the woods dressed like some turd from the middle ages, my heart stopped when I saw his face. Both Anthony and I looked at each other with a synchronized turn of the head in shock.

"Holy shit, is that Viggo Mortensen?"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Still debating if I should keep writing this story. Let me know, okay? My ego needs constant fuel and coddling in order for me to fully accept myself and my accomplishments, haha. Anyway, thanks for checking this out as it is, even though I am regardless really unsure about this story. **

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"Hold on a minute," I said, looking at the Viggo lookalike in the darkness and holding my hands up. "You cannot possibly be Viggo Mortensen, can you? I don't believe this for a second."

I could see his brows furrowing in the darkness, but he still remained as stiff as a board. I was obviously a little confused, but then again you never know what kind of weirdos it's possible to encounter in the woods at night. Although the most puzzling thing about this situation was the fact that this guy looked so much like Mr. Motensen in those Lord of The Rings movies.

"I do not know of whom you speak," he said.

I looked at Anthony, who was looking right back at me. I shrugged at Anthony, still a little uncomfortable with the fact that he was still pointing his sword at us. I looked at the sword from the corner of my eyes, and it looked extremely authentic and dangerous.

"Maybe he doesn't know who that is, Anthony."

Anthony shook his head like he was waking up from a dream, his mouth slightly agape.

"I don't see how that matters, Lana. Obviously if he doesn't know who Viggo is, then he's not Viggo. Come on."

I shrugged again, a little bit more aggressively this time. I still had my soda cup in my hands, and it was at least halfway full.

"Uh, man, you know that guy in those Lord of The Rings movies? The dude who played Aragorn? That's who you look like. Any relation?" I asked, looking at him curiously, waiting for his response.

Once I had said that, however, he visibly stiffened even more, raising his sword towards me.

"Whoa buddy! Watch it with that thing!" I exclaimed, raising my arms and taking a few steps backwards.

"Where do you and your associate come from? How do you know my name?" he said in a low yet stern voice.

I looked at Anthony again, a smile spreading across my face. Was this guy for real? He didn't even look like he was joking in the slightest.

"Man, me and my 'associate' were just swinging in from town. We were going to hang out in the woods for awhile, you know, have some snacks and listen to music, when we met this crazy guy at the convince store down the road. Next thing you know, some shit straight from Twin Peaks or something starts happening, and we're being chased by the apparition of this man or something. We get a flat tire, run into the woods away from the guy who was chasing us, and then we got lost. Now we're here, obviously, talking to you."

The poor man looked very puzzled, and angled his head at us quizzically.

"Some of the things you speak of sound very unfamiliar to me. Convince store? Tire? And which town? There are no known settlements around for miles."

My eyes widened, I couldn't help the grin spreading across my face. Anthony looked the same way, and we both had no choice but to howl with laughter.

"Anthony, do you hear this guy? Where the hell does he think _he's _from? Whoa!"

We couldn't contain our laughter, but the man was obviously irritated and confused. He looked at both of us, never once letting his sword down, although I wished he would just put that thing away.

"Shhhh! Lower your voices. I wish to know more of where you two came from," he said, furiously giving Anthony and I some kind of ocular pat down.

"Listen guy, you can stop talking like that now. I mean come on, we know you're not really Aragorn or Viggo Mortensen or whoever it is you're pretending to be." Anthony said, giving him a smug look.

The man now stood, frozen, apparently at a loss. This was getting a little ridiculous. I mean, unless this was some mentally unsettled person, he couldn't really believe he was from Middle Earth or whatever?

"I- I still am unsure of your purposes," he said. "I did not reveal my identity to you, yet you seem to both be aware of it and at the same time deny it."

Anthony and I broke out into another round of chortles.

"Okay then, pal, where do you think we are then?"

"We are on the outskirts of the Misty Mountains," he said, as if he was stating the obvious. "However I cannot say more, as I am wary of you two and your intentions."

"Oh, man, this guy cannot be serious," I groaned with a laugh, looking at Anthony with an exasperated expression. "Look buddy, can you just drop the facade for a second and tell us how to get back to the road? We don't really have time to be playing make-believe right now.

"Perhaps my companions would like to be the judge of who is playing make-believe,"

What? There's more freaks hanging out with this guy? Why the hell would anyone be camping out like this in the middle of winter? I was thinking Anthony and I should just make a run for it, but a part of me just wanted to see who else was with this nut.

The man stepped back, apparently trusting us not to get the hell out of dodge while he wasn't looking. I quickly turned to Anthony, the both of us continuing our mirth.

"What the fuck is going on?" Anthony said through breathy cackles.

"I don't know! This guy thinks he's from Lord of The Rings or some shit! I can't believe this night! Wait until we tell Jess and Micheal about this,"

"Should we scram?" Anthony asked, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye.

"No, no. Let's see what these guys are up to! Now, I know that guy has that absurd sword, but he can't just start swinging it at us, for god's sake."

"Well, I don't know about that, Lana, but I do think we should see what these screwballs are up to. This is the weirdest night I've had since that one Wednesday last November."

Suddenly, before Anthony and I had time to remissness about our previous escapades (which involved camping out in Burger King overnight), the guy reappeared, bringing with him some other freaky characters.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" Anthony yelled, both of us looking at the men with huge eyes and disbelieving expressions, our grins never faltering.

These guys couldn't be real, I thought. There was an old man who looked just like Gandalf and a blonde man that looked just like that Legolas character. Anthony and I must have gotten knocked out or something, and we were hallucinating. There was no other way this was happening in real life.

"Orlando! Can I have your autograph?" I yelled, toppling over onto Anthony with laughter. I could feel his body spasm with with snickers, and he had to be thinking the same things as me.

The three of them looked at each other with baffled expressions, not even cracking a smile. How can they be so serious? And how on earth did these uncanny lookalikes manage to find each other?

"Anthony, what are these guys called again? You know, they used to do this in that park back at home. What's it called? LARDing or something?"

"LARPing!" Anthony guffawed.

Before Anthony and I could shout out any more banter at these guys, the old guy started to barrage us with questions. At first they were more general, asking about our whereabouts, but as he went on, he sounded more and more confident that we actually were in Middle Earth. I had read all those Tolkien books when I was in high school, and remembered most of the details with pretty good accuracy, but it was apparent that these clowns were scholars on them or something.

Soon enough, the sun began to lighten the area a little, and I was slightly put out by this. There was no way Anthony and I had been with these guys for more than an hour, and when we had left the car, it was only a little before 11 PM.

As the sun began to lighten up the forest around us, it was clear that this was not the forest surrounding Marquette. The trees were far more scraggly and sparse, and as I looked around a little more, I noticed mountains. Mountains? This had to be a dream or something.

"Whoa, hold on a minute. Where are we? Where are these mountains coming from?" I asked, starting to feel a little panicked. Anthony gaped around, and I knew he was starting to notice this himself, the both of us becoming concerned.

"Did I not already tell you where we were? Are you and your companion completely oblivious to where you've been going?" said the guy who kept claiming to be Aragorn.

I shook my head, feeling completely disoriented. "Apparently we are," I said, at a loss for words.

All five of us just kind of stood there, exchanging looks, unsure of what was going on. These guys were probably stumped as to why Anthony and I had stumbled into their weird little world. On the other hand, though, I was positive that this was some far-out dream. There was no other possible explanation. That creep at the convince store had probably knocked Anthony and I out and was most likely killing us at this very moment.

"Anthony, what do you think is happening?"

He shrugged. "I have no clue, man. I was thinking that this was some weird dream, but then I know for a goddamn fact you are _never _this lucid and self-aware in a dream."

I paused for a moment, mulling that fact over. This was indeed true, and I could never recall a dream that I've ever had that was this vivid. Suddenly, I became extra worried.

"Anthony, do you think we're dead?" I said in a low voice.

The three characters behind us lightened their expressions, and from the corner of my eyes I could see them crack a smile for the first time. Where they finding humor in that? Anthony, however, looked at me with an earnestly baffled face.

"Shit," he said, suddenly looking around. "Maybe we are! Jesus, this is what the afterlife is?! Fuckin' A, Lana. I would have never guessed."

While Anthony and I discussed the idea that we were potentially dead, the Lord of The Rings lookalikes murmured to each other in hushed voices.

After a few minutes, we were interrupted by the wizard looking guy, who may or may not have actually been Gandalf at this point.

"Young ones,' he said, obviously addressing us. Anthony and I raised our eyebrows at each other, kind of eager to actually hear him out.

"The three of us have decided that you both most likely pose no threat. However, regardless of how innocent and out of place you may seem, we'd like you to accompany us for a little while on our travels. There are many questions I have that remain unanswered, starting with your strange appearances and garb. Neither of you look of this realm."

"Man, you've got that right. But wait a minute,"

I said, thinking that Anthony and I had somehow actually ended up in Middle Earth. I wanted to test these guys a little bit, and I lowered my voice, ready to provoke them. Maybe their reactions to me knowing things about their quest would give me some more hints on whether or not these guys were the real deal, so to speak.

"Do you mean you want us to come with you on your whole quest thing? You know, to destroy the Ring of Power and whatnot? We're probably on our way to... uh, the Pass of Caradhras, right?"

Their faces fell, and they all looked at each other nervously.

"How did you learn of our errand?" the Aragorn guy asked in a strained voice.

Anthony and I looked at each other chortling.

"I think we all have some explaining to do," I said, shaking my head in disbelief.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks to anyone who's been reading and hopefully(?) enjoying this. I'm probably going to keep spitting out chapters for this for a little while, because it's pretty fun to write, and that's kind of like a breath of fresh air to me. Although I'd like some acknowledgment for this, bitches, haha**

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I was really unsure as to who Anthony and I were really talking to. Were these guys just freaky lookalikes, who happened to seek each other out and assemble some kind of role-playing group that transcended all others? I might have been able to consider this as a serious explanation, however there were some major issues in logic regarding the sudden transformation of our surroundings. There was no way in hell that this was Marquette. Absolutely no way in hell. The air had a weird kind of vibe, and it even smelled different.

So how should I address these clowns that were suggesting we go along with them? Should Anthony and I just play along with whatever the fuck was happening? That seemed like the most successful option, I thought, thinking about all the unnecessary extra confusion that would add to the situation. Things were weird enough as it was, and it was probably best to take it all one step at a time.

As I was kind of standing in a daze, the three of them started to stir.

"Come with us back to the camp, would you?" the potential Gandalf said.

"Hold up a second," I said, snapping out of my brief little funk and holding up my freehand. My Coke was still in my right hand, and I wondered if it was even appropriate to keep drinking it. It seemed so absurdly out of place, but I raised it to my lips anyway and took a sip. Still cold and fizzy! Man, what were the odds. It was comforting to know that sodas could transfer to the afterlife or wherever the hell we were.

Remembering that I had spoken, I continued to address the potential Fellowship members. "I need to have a word with Anthony before we go back," I said, my speech gurgled by me swallowing the soda.

The potential Fellowship members looked at the soda cup with curiosity, and then traced their eyes back up to Anthony and I suspiciously.

"Why should we let you speak in private? Is there something you're trying to conceal?" asked the potential Legolas.

"No, no. Don't get the wrong idea, man. It's just that Anthony and I are feeling very, _very _confused right now, and I think we need to have a real quick chat. I mean, I guess if you really wanted to, you could stay. But we really have nothing to hide,"

The three of them wordlessly seemed to agree than Anthony and I didn't look like anything more than a bunch of weak jerk-offs, and they nodded.

"You may speak with your companion for a few minutes, and we shall go back to our camp to inform the others know of your arrival. In the meanwhile, we are allowing you a great deal of trust. Please do not misuse it and scamper off while our backs are turned," said the potential Aragorn.

As they left, the potential Aragorn was the last one to glance at us, his eyes slightly narrowed. I turned to Anthony, my face contorting into some kind of expression that I felt could possibly display my feelings of absolute bewilderment and good humor. I assumed my face resembled one of those grotesque clown paintings.

"Anthony! Okay! Please, help me understand what the hell is going on," I said, shaking my head, perplexed chuckles taking over me again. I didn't know how else to respond to this situation other than laughing at it.

"Whoa, Lana, do you really think I have any idea?" he started laughing as well, shrugging his shoulders in a dramatic fashion.

"One minute we're conked out on the side of 550, the next we're being chased by some terrifying apparition, and then we're fucking talking with the goddamn characters from Lord of The Rings in some strange-ass world. There is no way I am able to comprehend this, Lana. Are we dead, dude?" Anthony continued, starting to pace around in a small circle.

"That's a helluva question, Anthony. But if we were dead, wouldn't we have some sort of memory of how we died? Or at least some memory of any kind of physical confrontation?"

Anthony stopped pacing, raised his head for a moment in thought, and then continued pacing.

"Good point," he said, looking at the ground. "But how we got here is somewhat irrelevant. Maybe whatever is happening will somehow reveal itself in the future, but until then, I suggest we kind of play along here."

I looked at him, sly smiles both spreading across our faces.

"Hm. Sounds interesting. But that's a little bit of a tricky proposition." I said, mulling over the possible downfalls to this. Anthony was looking at me, waiting for me to continue.

"Okay, hear me out for a second, doll; let's just pretend we're actually in the world of Middle Earth for a second,"

As soon as I said this, Anthony cried out with laughter.

"Hey, hey, listen, man. Anyway, let's suppose we somehow ended up there. Or here... Whatever, anyway, we already know everything that's going to happen to these guys! Like, we basically know the entire past, present, and future of these poor schmucks. How do we go about with this knowledge?"

Anthony wore a weird face that kind of looked like he was giving me the stink eye, but I knew he was seriously weighing the situation.

"Well, the fact that we might actually be in Middle Earth is an extremely outlandish concept. But I'd kind of be willing to consider the possibility, given all the other weird shit that's happened to us."

"Okay," I said, gesticulating with excitement. "So let's just mess around with this idea for a little while. But regardless, the bottom line is, I don't think we should let these guys in on their fate. I mean, I don't want to fuck up the story or anything."

Anthony sighed, shrugging with a weak little laugh.

"Alright, whatever. Let's just see what happens, I guess. Well, I mean for us. But man! Wouldn't it be fun to mix things up a little bit?"

"Yeah, I'd sure like to do that, but I just don't think that would be right. But do you think we should even mention that fact that we know all this to them?"

Anthony bit his cheek as he thought about this.

"Ehhh, I don't think we should tell them right off the bat. If it comes up in conversation, though, I don't think it should be avoided, either. Let's just play it by ear."

"But they might get pissed at us if they know we're hiding shit," I mentioned.

"If that happens, we'll just have to try our best to explain. I mean, these guys live in this fantasy world, anyway. I think they have a little bit more of an understanding towards this kind of shit."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I said, unsure on which position would be best.

After Anthony and I had exchanged a few thoughtful moments in silence, we heard the guys coming back through the trees.

"We have alerted our companions, and they are eager to meet you strange and young humans. You are human, correct?" Legolas asked.

"Ha! That's a question I've never been asked before. Yeah, I'm pretty sure we're humans," I said, grinning at the inanity.

Before we began to walk back, Anthony approached me from behind and slid his hands around my waist.

"Or are we dancers?" he mumbled into my ear, sounding serious although I knew he was joking. One of Anthony and I's favorite pretentious pastimes was making fun of anything have to do with The Killers, yet secretly finding them catchy as hell.

"I wonder if the voice of my Mormon darling will ever grace my ears again," I mused, Antony releasing his grip and laughing.

"That reminds me!" I said, yanking my phone out of my purse. I had put it back there when we had first stumbled upon the potential Aragorn, and hadn't even bothered to consider it useful since then. I opened up the camera, and pointed it at me and Anthony, who still trailed a little behind me.

"Smile, bitch," I said.

I lowered the phone, reopening the picture to check it out. Anthony and I looked slightly disheveled, but it was no matter. These other guys, except for the Legolas, all looked like they hadn't bathed properly in a good while.

"Hey, that gives me a good idea, Lana," Anthony exclaimed.

"What?"

"Well, if you keep taking pictures every now and then, maybe if we ever return to wherever the fuck we came from, this will be important documentation. I mean, if you were able to bring all this shit with you in the first place, then you should be able to take it back."

"Anthony, that was probably your one and only shining moment of brilliance," I joked. "I'll try and save the battery until then," I said, already reaching for the power button.

Just before I was about to turn it off, however, I looked up and saw all the other missing members of The Fellowship standing around, gaping at us.

"Holy shit!" Anthony and I both yelled, high-fiving each other. I held up the camera again, snapping a picture of them.

As I switched the power off, I didn't even bother taking my eyes away from them. It was unquestionably the strangest thing I had ever witnessed thus far in my entire life. As I looked around, however, I noticed that none of these guys looked exactly like they did in the movies or any other visual representation I could think of. I mean, the resemblance was striking, but certainty not perfect.

Although this puzzled me a little, it was not enough to keep Anthony and I from making fun of every movie we could recall that the actors back on Earth had been in.

"Oh my God, look, it's Rudy!" I said, pointing at the little Sam. "That has to be one of my least favorite fucking movies I have ever seen in my entire life! But Anthony, do you remember seeing this screwball in those mesh shirts in that awful Adam Sandler movie? I've seen your hairy nips, kid!" I called out to him, pointing and unable to contain my violent laughter. He eyed me skeptically, and I couldn't believe I was actually interacting with these things.

Anthony screeched in response, covering up his mouth in attempt to restrain his hysterics.

"That movie was the worst! But Lana, check it out, it's Elijah! How long have you had a crush on this little fucker?"

"Ever since I saw him in that dolphin movie. Ah!" I shrieked, remembering how brilliantly terrible and lame that movie was.

"But also since I saw his little ass running around in 'The Good Son' with Macaulay Culkin. Hey, who do you think grew up to be cuter, Elijah or Macaulay?"

Anthony grinned as he considered this, his face crimson red.

"Well, Elijah's more polished and handsome, but Macaulay definitely has some nice, rugged good looks. I mean, ever since I saw him lick his lips in that one Sonic Youth music video, I've had a soft spot for him."

"Yeah, but I definitely have an Elijah preference. But no chin beard! God no."

As Anthony and I were doubling over with laughter, making fun of everyone, the rest of The Fellowship stood stiffly, their faces slightly slack and their brows furrowed. They were probably just as confused as we were, hearing us spew out all this relative nonsense to them. Anthony and I were just choosing to deal with our confusion in a state of modernized delirium.

"Gandalf, who _are _these strangers?" one of the other men, Boromir, asked.

"Boromir, I fear that I do not know. They do not seem of this world, yet they also seem to know of us and our errand. It is a very perplexing situation."

One of the little guys, Pippin, piped up, tentatively approaching us with a smile. "Well, whoever they are, they sure seem like a lot of fun,"

"Man, you guys are so fucking small!" I yelled.

"Shhh! Keep your voices low," potential Aragorn said, looking around anxiously.

I scoffed. "Man, I can't believe any of this. But really, these guys are so much more attractive in real life, if that's even possible."


End file.
